Gifts to get your loved one's at Christmas.

Gifts to get your loved one’s at Christmas.

 

Mother – you’re the fruit of her  loins, no doubt she pissed, shat and ripped herself apart bringing you into this world. Get her something thoughtful like a book on tightening up her pelvic floor region so your father doesn’t feel like he’s putting a sausage up 5^th Avenue. This is also a gift in itself for your father. So that’s 2 gifts in 1.

 

Father – see above . Failing that get him a flesh light. Flesh light ‘’the best a man can get’’ NB – don’t forget lube.

 

Sister – (younger) chastity belt, nobody is getting near that tight untouched neatly shaved  snatch, till she’s at least 18 when she can start earning her keep.

 

Sister – (older) some slutty stockings, crotch less knickers, suspenders, nipple tassels, lube and some hand cuffs (not the furry ones there for little wimps)

 

Brother – (younger) porn, porn , porn and don’t forget the lube. If his balls have dropped this is the best and probably the only present he will want. Make sure you get all categories of porn and all types e.g.  DVDs, subscriptions, magazines etc....

 

Brother – (older) depending on his age, you could go for porn as well or slippers or a wallet or you could get a flesh light to share with his old man.. sharing is caring and best to keep it in the family. ‘’incest is best’’

 

Granny – if she is widowed get her a nice 8 – 12 inch dildo, preferably a latex one, as glass maybe a bit too much on her wrinkly old snatch. Lube is a big YES here. She’s your granny for god’s sake she wouldn’t be able for chapped lips. ** DONT FOEGET THE LUBE ** if you’re a bit of a scrooge juice from the Christmas day turkey will do the job.. (I’m speaking from experience here)

 

Granddad – Ah old gramps, still has bit of life in the old todger, maybe not a flesh light here but something smaller like a suction pump, this will stimulate an orgasm and the feeling that he is getting a blowjob from his old dear. Also some old spice socks and a cigar would do as well.

 

Stocking Fillers – (for all generations and sex’s) butt plugs, anal beads, clit stimulators, vibrating tongue bars , handcuffs, whipped cream, condoms, lube......

 

Have a great Christmas Guys,

 

Don’t leave anyone out in the cold, bring them in and shag their ring senseless..........